Unfinished

I’m sure we’ve all heard that word before “unfinished“. Going over the sound of the word in my head causes anxiety to wash over me. What is it about the word that makes every cell in my body cringe one after the other as if doing the wave? I guess it is maybe because I like closure and I have an incessant need for things to make sense. Maybe the perfectionist in me feels anxiety over the word unfinished because it is not neatly organized into a box and tied with a bow. The thing is though, that the reality of life is that some things are always going to be left unfinished. How do I make peace with that? How do I begin to accept that closure is a luxury that I won’t always be afforded? How do I make peace with the concept of ‘accepting an apology that I will never get’? Or how do I become used to the idea that things will never go as planned?

Truth be told accepting such a reality seems quite enervating, however it is reality nonetheless. I think grieving for things is the road to acceptance. Maybe you wanted to attend a certain university, or get casted for a certain play and it didn’t happen, grieve for it, accept it and move on. Maybe you did get accepted or casted and circumstances meant that you needed to walk away leaving it unfinished, grieve for it, accept it and move on.

The thing is we’re all going to leave many things unfinished and that reality may be haunting even after you’ve made your peace with it. I think that’s okay after all that’s what unfinished does to us.

Thank you as always for reading. Till next time, Be Brave, Be True, Be you!

-Liz

[This post is in response to the Daily Prompt ‘Unfinished’.]

via Daily Prompt: Unfinished

Learning To Trust Again

Hey there,

Ever wondered what life would be like if you can see what happens if you followed each “fork in the road” you encounter? Of cause, that’s not really how life works, but after being burnt by life, how do you learn to trust yourself to make decisions that won’t hurt you? How do you begin to take risks again? How do you get yourself to trust again in life and love? There are so many questions with not many reliable answers, or any cookie cutter way to have things be right once again.

I am thinking of all of these things not because I want to, but because I recently had an experience that left me feeling like I couldn’t trust myself. How could I not have seen something coming? Taking a step back is extremely important I guess, and in going back and reevaluating memories that may turn out to be painful helps us to grow. For me it was reading old imessages (it actually was a happenstance, I was searching for something on my mac book and they popped up). Reading these messages made me realize that I didn’t make it all up, that it was real. That made me realize that I could trust myself and that I couldn’t have seen it coming because everything appeared to be as I thought that they were. I am not about to jump into a new relationship, frankly I don’t see that happening anytime soon, but it feels good to be able to trust myself and not second guessing my decisions.

I am truly happy and on a journey of growth, healing and discovery.

If you ever find yourself in my place my advice? Be kind to yourself and take the necessary steps and precautions necessary to heal. Practice self-love, a lot.

Thank you as always for reading. Till next time, Be Brave, Be True, Be you!

-Liz

Survival Guide: First 7 days of a Breakup

Hey all!

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am currently going through a really tough break-up. It has been a little over a week and day-by-day I get a better handle on growing out of love. I think with acceptance and knowing that there is no hope of a future romantic relationship, the process moves along. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely still love this man, however, the nature of the breakup means that there is no way that we can be together, and even if the initial factor changes, I cannot trust him as a partner to protect and choose me. (He didn’t cheat; we were part of an inter-faith relationship, which he no longer felt he should continue).

There are still days that I cry, after all it is part of the grieving process that follows the ending of any relationship, romantic or other wise. Here are a few tips on how to survive the first week of the break-up.

1. Cry! Cry, scream, shout let it all out. Don’t be afraid of the ugly tears and screams. You will be feeling completely destroyed and distraught and would do anything at all to ease the pain or to stop feeling entirely. When that thought pops in your mind I urge you to remember, that the best way to get over the pain is to push through it. It is in these moments that you build your strength.
2. The best way over isn’t under. Your friends are probably telling you to go out on a date, see someone else and that “the best way over is under”. I have done this in the past and can assure you that if you truly want to heal and grow as a result of this breakup, then a rebound isn’t the answer. Allow the process to happen and you’ll be amazed by the person you turn out to be.
3. Write to them. I’ve been writing emails addressed to my ex ever since the break-up and truth be told each one has a different tone. The key to email/ letter writing to your ex is NOT to hit send. If you want to feel like you’ve sent it out, do what I did; create a dummy email account that you send everything to. My advice is to never let him or her read it, but that’s up to you.
4. Give time time. It’s simple, like Leona Lewis said “It all gets better in time”.
5. Practice self-care to avoid allowing bitterness to take root in your heart. Whatever makes you feel better do that thing, and do it a lot. You don’t want to send angry texts that are out of character for you that you may regret later. Vent to your friends and therapist to get over the hurt and the anger. If you hold on to it, it will hinder your growth. For me, prayer has helped tremendously throughout this process.

 

I hope you enjoyed these five steps. Oh one more thing, if you’re going to be friends with your ex make sure that the friendship is defined and that you clearly state your motives. If not, you may find yourself confused, or they may misconstrue your questions or even your friendship as something it isn’t.

 

What are your go to tips post-break up? Let me know in the comments and I’ll give a few of them a try and let you know how they’re going in a follow up blog.

 

Thank you as always for reading. Till next time, Be Brave, Be True, Be you!

-Liz

25 things I learned at twenty-Five

Hi All!

I celebrated my 25th Birthday yesterday 09.09.! I’d just like to share twenty-five things that I learned in the past 25 years!

1. I am enough.

2. Faith breads confidence.

3. There is power in thoughts. I choose whether the universe is conspiring with me or against me by my thoughts!

4. It is more than okay to ask for help.

5. Emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are.

6. The gift of giving is the act of giving.

7. The law of attraction is positivity. You draw in all types of persons with your light.

8. Protect your mental health by being mindful of who is allowed in your space.

9. I can’t save the world, but there is nothing wrong with saving the ones that I can.

10. Toxicity is toxic. What happens if you continually expose your self to hazardous chemicals?

11. “Just because it hasn’t been done doesn’t mean that it can be done”.

12. I already possess everything that I need to achieve greatness, I just need to open the door.

13. Advice from others can be helpful, but opinions are not facts.

14. You are your own responsibility.

15. Happiness is fleeting, joy is constant.

16.  Find what makes you happy, if it doesn’t infringe on the rights of others do it, and do it a lot!

17. The road less travelled is the route to self-awareness and self-love.

18. Ask why.

19. “The final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.” – Anne Frank

20. Traveling makes you wiser and an all-round better human being. Hop on a plane or get lost in a book.

21. Even the reserve fuel runs out if you don’t recharge.

22. No one is perfect. It is not an excuse to be complacent but a reason to practice acceptance whilst striving for growth.

23. Just because someone you love seems to constantly be on an emotional roller coaster doesn’t mean you have to join in on the ride. Sometimes you just need to remain on the sidelines till they’re ready to come off.

24. In both defeat and victory be humble and grateful.

25. BREATHE!

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

Till next time, Be Brave, Be True, Be you!

-Liz

 

 

 

To Heartbreak

I think we’ve all been there. The sickening feeling that washes all over your body, which threatens the loss off all the food in your stomach that you, have consumed from the dawn of time. The feeling that makes your entire body simultaneously feel light as a feather and heavy as a ton of bricks. The entire relationship comes back in flashes. You replay every conversation in your mind till nausea and pain causes you to roll into a ball screaming for it all to stop. Maybe you’re confused and want to reach out for all those coping skills that you used before. Maybe it’s the pain pills, alcohol, weed, or maybe that razor blade. Maybe you want a pain stopper, or something that’ll let out all the pain. Your heartaches in ways that you didn’t know was possible or forgot that it could.

If you’re lucky you’ve probably cried yourself into exhaustion and for a brief moment, your mind can rest easy forgetting the pain that you are in. Or maybe you’ve talked and screamed yourself into temporary numbness. Just for now, you don’t feel it as badly as you did before until the sun rises again and your feet hit the floor and the memories wash all over you. Another day to live through your worse nightmare, the one that they promised would never come true.

 

(It is currently day 6 of my most devastating breakup, this was originally written on day one. There may be more posts to come as I work through the heartbreak and pain.)

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

Till next time, Be Brave, Be True, Be you!

-Liz